(This post reveals my age and lack of wisdom.)
I’m starting to notice a very negative aspect to the experience here. My friend Jeana claims that there are three modes of being at St. John’s—studying, sleeping, and socializing—and one may only ever choose to do two (and some choose only one, usually not the first in those cases). I personally feel I’ve accomplished some sort of balance among those three things, but my imbalance is elsewhere. I suppose it could be related both to the realms of studying and socializing.
One of the most beautiful and attractive aspects of the education at St. John’s is the emphasis on conversation. One of the most frustrating things is the incessant interruption of good, fruitful conversation by assignments. I know, it’s so typical of a student to complain about his work outside of class, but this is not an ordinary complaint. I rarely spend quality time with anyone. I rarely have a full conversation about a particular issue outside of seminar, even of an academic nature. And I’m not even burdened by a large load of “extracurricular” activities like some other students.
I experienced the beginning of an amazing conversation with Jesse this afternoon about God. It wasn’t the sort of conversation one has for entertainment. This was life stuff, edifying and helpful. I need more conversation like that, but I can’t seem to get enough. We had to cut it dramatically and sorrowfully short. Though not a particularly academic conversation, it made me realize how difficult it is to share complete thoughts with people here because both parties are usually pressed with some assignment or need to study.
Maybe my complaint is nothing new. It’s not St. John’s fault, regardless of what conclusions Jeana has drawn. Is this a sad fact of life that I need to buck up and deal with? Is there some way to overcome this ridiculous cycle of seeking quality time and falling short almost every time because of one particular circumstance or priority showing up?
Doing schoolwork has a markedly negative effect on my attitude about social situations. My work is done for me. It’s all about me. It’s all about my performance and what I want to do and what I’ve (what my family has) paid for in this education. Is there a point where I need to draw the line and say “No” to my academic drive? That seems so alien and profane to me. But I’ll go insane if I can’t find the time to sit down with someone I love and talk about anything under the sun.
Insane, I tell you! Insane!
I’m starting to notice a very negative aspect to the experience here. My friend Jeana claims that there are three modes of being at St. John’s—studying, sleeping, and socializing—and one may only ever choose to do two (and some choose only one, usually not the first in those cases). I personally feel I’ve accomplished some sort of balance among those three things, but my imbalance is elsewhere. I suppose it could be related both to the realms of studying and socializing.
One of the most beautiful and attractive aspects of the education at St. John’s is the emphasis on conversation. One of the most frustrating things is the incessant interruption of good, fruitful conversation by assignments. I know, it’s so typical of a student to complain about his work outside of class, but this is not an ordinary complaint. I rarely spend quality time with anyone. I rarely have a full conversation about a particular issue outside of seminar, even of an academic nature. And I’m not even burdened by a large load of “extracurricular” activities like some other students.
I experienced the beginning of an amazing conversation with Jesse this afternoon about God. It wasn’t the sort of conversation one has for entertainment. This was life stuff, edifying and helpful. I need more conversation like that, but I can’t seem to get enough. We had to cut it dramatically and sorrowfully short. Though not a particularly academic conversation, it made me realize how difficult it is to share complete thoughts with people here because both parties are usually pressed with some assignment or need to study.
Maybe my complaint is nothing new. It’s not St. John’s fault, regardless of what conclusions Jeana has drawn. Is this a sad fact of life that I need to buck up and deal with? Is there some way to overcome this ridiculous cycle of seeking quality time and falling short almost every time because of one particular circumstance or priority showing up?
Doing schoolwork has a markedly negative effect on my attitude about social situations. My work is done for me. It’s all about me. It’s all about my performance and what I want to do and what I’ve (what my family has) paid for in this education. Is there a point where I need to draw the line and say “No” to my academic drive? That seems so alien and profane to me. But I’ll go insane if I can’t find the time to sit down with someone I love and talk about anything under the sun.
Insane, I tell you! Insane!
4 comments:
I've heard the triangle theory before. It is not solely St. John's. Take heart, brother Philip. love.
-erc.
I think that this is the complaint of most committed and/or productive people in the world. Whatever it is that we have chosen to do with our lives at the moment, if it is meaningful to us, takes effort, concentration, and-- the thing that is most finite-- time. This doesn't have to be work or school related... for example, most parents with young children have to make hard choices about how to spend their free time, and often it is "couple time" that suffers. Assuming the thing that you have committed most of your energy to is worthwhile, the key is to make sure that, at least once in a while, you make time for the "other" important things in your life... you keep Sunday mornings free for church, Friday evenings for friends. You make specific "lunch or dinner dates" with your important people, rather than just running into them by chance on campus (you all eat anyway, right?). We do need to feed our souls as well as our minds, but we sometimes have to take the opportunities presented and immerse ourselves in them-- because the opportunity is time limited (and expensive!!!).
With all this said , Philip, I think you know how to resolve this conflict... you pray and believe that the answer will be provided. And you don't stress about it after that!
Your mother is right (as mothers usually are). :)
NJTS
Too true.
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